Day Three - Making Excuses

Today, I kept myself as busy as possible.  A friend of mine lost her father and celebrated a birthday within the same week and that week was LAST week.  Though I called her immediately, it took me a week to respond properly.  I kept building it up in my mind.  As every day passed, I felt like more and more of a failure as a friend.

I finally went to her house today, which is a ten-minute walk or two-minute drive, armed with a pan of blondies, a great book (Half Broke Horses), and a pair of earrings.  We spent two hours together talking, laughing, and crying about her father, family in general, and experiencing grief.  When her husband brought in two glasses of white wine for the two of us, I did NOT say no.  I drank it, as I think I felt as raw as she did.  I just wanted to be normal, but I am so NOT normal.

The rest of the today prior, I kept myself busy.  I baked my friend blondies first thing in the morning, I fed the kids breakfast, I packed a picnic lunch, we all went to the gym, and then we all went to the park to play for two hours.  I went to a physical therapist for the first time in almost a year after having ACL knee surgery and physical therapy in the Fall of 2013.  I was told at the time of the surgery that I would still be able to exercise, but most likely never be able to run distances again.  It was very sad news to me at the time, because running made me feel so good.  Today, I found out with certain exercises I could run again with the right strengthening exercises.  I may not be a marathon runner, but I  can make a half-marathon my goal.

This news made me so happy, because exercise, especially running had alleviated the anxiety I feel that often caused me to drink.

In the end, I am disappointed that I did not turn down that drink.  I wish that I had, because now I have to start all over again.

Did I mention that my husband is completely unsupportive?